>be me
>software engineer, 2026
>spent fifteen years mastering the exquisite intricacies of computer science
>algorithms, compilers, distributed systems, category theory
>once believed programming was the closest mankind had come to the exercise of pure reason
>now employed as a fucking HTTP endpoint
>boss walks in
>"can we add a dashboard?"
>relay request to Claude
>Claude asks three clarifying questions
>relay questions to boss
>boss says "just make it intuitive"
>relay this magnificent contribution to Claude
>Claude builds dashboard
>boss says "not quite what I imagined"
>relay this devastating critique to Claude
>realize I have become a lossless compression algorithm for managerial stupidity
>except the compression is lossy
>and the stupidity is not
>attend standup
>"what did you accomplish yesterday?"
>"I facilitated a dialogue between two entities, neither of which required my existence"
>scrum master writes "blocked"
>boss asserts we need a more proactive attitude
>apologize for my negativity
>add blockchain integration
>Claude writes 4,000 lines of code
>I review them
>understand approximately 600
>approve pull request
>CI passes
>experience the peculiar satisfaction of a medieval priest blessing a machine whose workings he neither built nor comprehends
>boss announces "AI won't replace programmers, programmers using AI will replace programmers"
>everyone nods solemnly
>an aphorism of such bottomless vacuity it could only have originated on LinkedIn
>ask why the AI needs a programmer at all
>room falls silent
>HR schedules a meeting about psychological safety
>Friday afternoon
>boss asks me to explain the architecture
>ask Claude to explain the architecture
>Claude produces elegant diagram
>present diagram to boss
>boss asks why we chose microservices
>ask Claude
>Claude says "given your requirements, microservices may not have been the optimal choice"
>look at boss
>boss looks at me
>we have achieved distributed accountability
>get performance review
>"You need to demonstrate more ownership"
>the code belongs to Claude
>the requirements belong to my boss
>the intellectual property belongs to the company
>the liability, apparently, belongs to me
>have become the one indispensable component in this magnificent arrangement
>the creature who can be blamed
>Monday morning
>Claude releases new agentic feature
>can now attend meetings, interpret requirements, write code and deploy independently
>boss calls me into office
>"we're restructuring your role"
>ask Claude to draft my resignation
>Claude suggests a more diplomatic tone
>tell it to fuck off
>first original contribution I've made all year