One of the most popular first questions to ask a person is the place where they come from. It’s often done for the sake of small talk rather than some sinister categorisation, but my friend Arthur disagrees to the extent that he boycotts the question. He suspects the enquirer is less interested in the answer and more eager to slot you into a prewritten story. The following sketch, co-written with him, explores the rationale.
JORDAN
So, Alex, right? Nice to meet you.
ALEX
Likewise!
JORDAN
(pause, awkward smile)
So... where are you from?
ALEX
Oh, wow. Already?
JORDAN
What?
ALEX
We just met. You're jumping straight to intimacy?
JORDAN
Intimacy? It's just a normal, simple question—
ALEX
Simple? That’s like asking my preferred sexual position thirty seconds in. At least buy me dinner first.
JORDAN
(laughing nervously)
I ask that to everyone! Is "where are you from" considered intimate?
ALEX
Absolutely. It implies identity, belonging, secrets of my past. I barely know your name and you're asking me to expose the deepest corners of my childhood memories?
JORDAN
Childhood? I was expecting something like "Bolivia."
ALEX
Ah! So you're a "locationist," huh? Assuming everyone’s life neatly fits into a single dot on a map. Some people have complicated relationships with multiple places! Some of us don't fit into your binary "from here/from there" worldview! What if I've lived in seven different countries? What if I was born somewhere I never actually lived? What if I reject the entire concept of national identity as an arbitrary colonial construct? You want to know what flag is printed on my underwear, front side? Rabid nationalism! Is that your game?!
JORDAN
Rabid... No! It's just small talk!
ALEX
Oh, "small talk." Mechanically categorizing people based on geography. You want to size me up, stereotype me?
JORDAN
I mean, no—I wouldn't do that...
ALEX
Sure you would. Admit it! Say I told you I'm from Paris. Suddenly I'm sophisticated, romantic. Or if I said Texas?
JORDAN
Probably, um... you like barbecue?
ALEX
And shooting people like you yee-ha. See? You're profiling my diet already! Geography-based culinary prejudice.
JORDAN
But seriously, I just wanted to connect!
ALEX
Connect by cataloguing? Why not ask what makes me laugh, or cry, or my thoughts on penguins?
JORDAN
Alright, fine. Penguins?
ALEX
I think they're pretentious. Always overdressed.
JORDAN
Yes they are! So, wait, you are...
ALEX
Don't.
JORDAN
But...
ALEX
No.
JORDAN
Then how do I get to know you?
ALEX
Try something more authentic. Like, "What's your favorite existential dread?"
JORDAN
OK that wouldn't offend your hippy ass. You would find that more respectful?
ALEX
Yes, more so than geography. And nobody ever stereotypes existential dread.
JORDAN
Fair enough. So, favorite existential dread?
ALEX
Being asked "Where are you from" thirty seconds into conversations.
JORDAN
Ah. Sorry.
ALEX
It's all good. So, existentially speaking, where are you really from?
JORDAN
Bolivia.